i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
