Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Alive.
So much puke
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
