It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
