I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Green mimosas i think yes
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize