I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
