It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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