Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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