Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
