So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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