using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
