I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
