Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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