She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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