We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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