Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
