It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
