Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize