I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
