I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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