I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
