census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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