shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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