K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
