my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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