in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
