You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
