did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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