I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
