so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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