The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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