Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
