I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
