I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
