You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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