its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize