Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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