somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
