dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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