Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
