don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
