Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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