I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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