I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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