I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
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