Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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