Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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