we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
