we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
