She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
