Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
