when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She bit a glass in half.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
