You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
