I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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