too bad you live with your parents still
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
