There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
