it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
