True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
