omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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