If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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