is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
