Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
This toilet bowl is my home.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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