it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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