I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize