for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
