Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
