My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
