YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you didnt know i had herpes?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
