I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
