Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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