White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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