I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
